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Unmasking for all children: why understanding brain development, behaviour and neurodiversity in school years is key to nurturing emotional intelligence
Schools
19 November 2024
Dr Rebecca Johnson
With teachers reporting that the impact of poor behaviour regularly reduces teaching time and negatively impacts their own wellbeing and ability to teach, it’s no wonder that the interventions most commonly used by schools to manage behaviour are referrals to specialist services (more than 90%) with removal commonplace (77%)* as a so-called restorative measure.
‘Behaviour is communication. It is often an expression of emotional need. Emotional regulation skills are still very much in development in children and young people and supporting emotional intelligence is key to unlocking cognitive development (or educational attainment).’
Emotional intelligence – childhood development, the basics
Children learn to understand, process and regulate their emotions through their experiences with, and observations of, others (particularly their parents and older adults in whom they trust) and this takes time.
When children’s emotions are piqued as they navigate school, peer dynamics, social changes, daily injustices and so on, it can be intense or even overwhelming for them. Some may even react in extreme ways (erratic, highly expressive and sometimes aggressive or even withdrawn and disengaged behaviours).
It can be helpful to understand that in adult life these feelings and corresponding impulses are (more often than not) moderated by the frontal cortex, which evaluates the situation, using past experiences to weigh up whether the first, very speedy interpretation by the limbic system (that stress levels too high = threat) is accurate. If the limbic system has triggered a false alert, the frontal cortex will stand down the physiological fight or flight response (by engaging the para-sympathetic nervous system) and the person can inhibit their behaviour.
Each brain is of course unique; brain circuity is built from birth (before even) through experience in tandem with genetic predisposition. Therefore, there is a diversity of responses in the human brain to overwhelming levels of arousal: sensory, physiological, cognitive and emotional loads, for example. Each person is different.
Containment
From birth, we rely on others for emotional support: as babies, we appreciate physical containment, a calming embrace and closeness to another calm heartbeat and breathing pattern, which is physically and emotionally regulating. Babies also need emotional containment; another person’s brain figuring out how the baby is feeling and showing them that these sensations can be tolerated, moved through, needs will be met and the feeling resolved.
As children grow, they continue to need comfort and support to process their emotions and may communicate strong or difficult feelings, often through behaviour. A containing experience, provided by a nurturing parent or other adult who carefully listens, enables them to process those feelings. Gradually, the child or young person internalises this capacity for themselves and can start to self-regulate increasingly independently.
Children can continue to develop and internalise the tools to down-regulate as they grow. Containment helps them at times to ‘borrow’ brain capacity from another person when theirs is not available.
In adolescence, a period of major pruning and rewiring in the brain, young people find new challenges in emotional processing and so external support and containment is ever-more important, as much as they may also be able to show increasingly mature emotional responses and behaviours at times.
Supporting un-masking
When the brain is overwhelmed, either by the intensity or quantity of incoming stimulus and/or internal emotions, in order to minimise unwanted negative attention and therefore overwhelming feelings, instead of fight or flight another option is freeze. The same stress hormones are present.
Masking or ‘hiding in plain sight’, hoping not to be noticed, sees us make efforts to act in ways considered to be ‘normal’, to hide neurodivergent traits, for example, and blend in socially or avoid unwanted attention. It is common amongst autistic girls (or those with internal presentations of autism). The toll of ‘masking’ for those who are neurodivergent can be immense, often leading, over time, to burnout, autistic shutdown and/or other mental health issues.
An environment where it does not feel safe to reveal yourself, your personality, needs or interests invites masking, regardless of neurotype. The toll may not be as high as for neurodivergent pupils but schools that don’t put relationships at the heart of their ethos are still stressful places to be day in day out. This may be key to understanding the conditions in which mental health deteriorates and why the ‘side effects’ of school, as Dr Naomi Fisher, Clinical Psychologist, describes it, can be so detrimental for many students.
For whatever reason we are increasingly recognising that many young people feel this way in schools. I am by no means suggesting that all masking is equally stressful, but what works for neurodiverse students will support all students in their development (by supporting their emotional development as well as their cognitive development).
Appreciating that we are all different and promoting self-awareness and empathy is key to supporting children. Learning about our own individual needs to regulate emotionally and respecting others’ needs, even nurturing them is emotional intelligence. If schools can create an environment that promotes and prioritises emotional intelligence, all children (and the staff community too) can thrive in their emotional, and therefore cognitive (academic) development.
Dr Rebecca Johnson
Consultant Clinical Psychologist, Solihull Approach Development Manager
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