How to talk to your child about the climate crisis

As with all feelings expressed by our kids (e.g., about friends, exams, schools etc.) it is helpful to feel heard. So, although it is tempting to reassure them that everything is ok, it is super important to listen and to validate their feelings and thoughts.

Containment is the process of deeply listening and allowing the person to express their feelings, naming them and showing the other person they can be thought about and tolerated. It is one of the core theories you meet when you learn with the Solihull Approach, which provides a framework for understanding emotions, behaviours and relationships.

To be able to listen, we need to feel reasonably contained ourselves. Things are now so dire with the climate and ecological systems that some disconnect and denial is inevitable, otherwise how would we function, especially with all the other challenges life throws at us, right?

The challenge is in turning towards and processing our own feelings for long enough to be able to engage. Disconnection, after all, is what has got us into this mess. It can be hard to really listen to our children’s fears. As mums and dads, we are meant to soothe, fix and make it better.

It can be helpful to remind children and young people (and ourselves) that there are lots and lots of adults working really hard on this problem behind the scenes. But this is the most complicated and difficult problem ever faced. Ever.

COP28, which started this week, is one part of a big puzzle. It is not going to be enough to avoid big changes in our lives. But as we head into an uncertain future, engagement from every sector and every profession is needed, as well as from citizens and consumers and politicians. Therefore, we can all do our bit. Not to fix, but to slow, respond, adapt and evolve.

So, what can we do? I’ll get onto the practical stuff in a moment. First, let’s not underestimate the softer skills we teach as parents: listening to our children, teaching them how to negotiate, share with each other, helping them to notice the needs of other humans and non-humans (plants, trees, animals, rivers etc.) and to see themselves as being in a reciprocal relationship with these things, recognising the interconnectivity of everything.

When my kids fell out with each other when they were little, I used to make them say ‘sorry for….’ to encourage them to acknowledge their part. And the other person had to say, ‘that’s ok’. But only when they were ready. Known in psychological and neurological science as ‘rupture and repair’.

These qualities are crucial in resilient communities, who can pull together and work cooperatively to deal with whatever scarcity or disaster comes their way.